


Harder Is My Safe Word

by Junebug1312



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Choking, Dirty Talk, Grinding, Light Masochism, M/M, Mild Smut, Teasing, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-03 15:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17880146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug1312/pseuds/Junebug1312
Summary: Sam has started getting hard during hunts, it's gotta be the adrenaline right? Definitely not the fact he gets choked all the time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever write anything other than Wincest again? I guess we will have to see :P

 

The first time Sam got a boner during a hunt, he pegged it down to the adrenaline. He is all too familiar with the fact that sometimes your blood starts pumping in the wrong places and becomes misdirected. He also knows because he researched all about it right when he got back to the motel. So it’s normal, it’s completely 100% normal had nothing to do with the circumstances or the activities, nope.

Then there was a second time Sam got hard during a hunt a few weeks later. This time it was harder to explain because he felt that adrenaline kick in at a specific moment and really he didn’t even feel that nervous energy adrenaline brings you. In fact, he felt perfectly in control but he brushed it off again. He hadn’t gotten laid in a while and even though Sam didn’t want to add to Deans narrative that the fact he didn’t have sex every two days would start affecting his hunting maybe that _was_ it. Perhaps he just needed to crank one out or whatever. Thankfully Dean had been too preoccupied with another spirit to notice his state and so he thought about the old women who would flirt with him on the job and he was good to go.

Unfortunately, the sixth time it happened it was a lot harder to clarify his reasoning. He was pinned up against the door of some creaky old house, the stereotypical ones with boards on the windows. One wrong move and of course Sam’s gun flew out of his hand and skidded across the floor where it now remained near the dusty termite infested fireplace. The angry spirit they were hunting pressed into his stomach making him feel winded with little pressure being applied. Then the spirit decided to take a different route one that Sam knew all too well. The asshole began applying pressure to Sams' throat, not enough to choke him out but enough to make him feel difficulty breathing. That’s when Sam knew what was about to happen since he had been this position way too many damn times. His stomach started to heat up as his lungs gasped for air. The lack of oxygen making his head woozy and slow moving. His hips started to buck forward in an attempt to get the creature off of him but it just made the boiling in his stomach set to a higher temperature. That’s when he felt it, a bolt of arousal shooting through him. Dammit, he thought, not again. The hand on his throat got tighter weirdly making more lust pool below his waistband, and a muffled whimper flew from his mouth at first because now he was suffocating but also because of the pleasure building at the low of his spine. What was wrong with him!? Why was his dick now hard? Hard and dying who would have thought?

Sam saw his vision go slightly blurry as black dots started to appear. There was no way to reach his gun from here or salt or really anything. He was ready to accept the blackness engulfing him when the hand released him and he was able to get in a big gulp of air. He gasped loudly as he fell to the ground and the spirit burnt up in flames. He clutched his chest, heart thumping vigorously as he tried to collect himself. Another close call with death isn’t exactly untypical in the life of the Winchester’s. Sam lay there, his back against the gross floor and he closed his eyes, joyous about having one calm moment to just-

“ _Woah_ Sammy” Dean’s voice rose like a skyscraper blocking Sams view from anything else.

“What?” Sam asked annoyed, He had just had another brush with death could his brother be a little more sympathetic.

“You have a thing for ghosts now?”

Sam’s eyes widened almost as if on cue. Oh fuck. Sam completely forgot about his weird libido and when it acts up. Because that has got to be what’s got him all riled. Slowly Sam tilted his head down till he saw exactly what Dean was talking about.

“Sh-shut up man let’s just go” Sam mumbled a blush rising to his cheeks.

Maybe this one time Dean would let it go?

“Maybe I should have given you a few more minutes with her before burning her necklace seems like you were enjoying yourself”

Wishful fucking thinking.

“Dean I do not have a thing for ghosts! And I was not enjoying myself, I was on the brink of annihilation!” Sam exclaimed but his voice had gone squeaky which was a sure tell that Sam wasn’t telling the full truth.

“Uh huh well I think that ‘gun’ in your pants disregards that statement bro”

Sam scoffed and crossed his arms, his face remaining red and flustered. He began bolting up the old basement stairs a creak echoing with each step he took.

“Can’t hide from the truth Sammy!” Dean called out after him.

Sam hoped and prayed that Dean would let it go. Just add it up to some strange case where a strange thing happened with his little brother. But Sam wasn’t stupid and his brother wasn’t a saint. For weeks after Dean brought it up at every fucking bar, they went too. And like Sam assumed Dean believed Sam just needed to get laid and then maybe the dead wouldn’t be turning him on.

“I am not a necrophiliac Dean! It was-it was nothing just some-“

“Pent up adrenaline _righhhht_ , you’ve told me about thirty times now. But seriously Sam you should just tell your big bro the real reason you’re getting horny on hunts” Dean smirked at his alliteration and Sam nearly stabbed himself with his fork.

Sam went back to drinking his whiskey in silence. For once getting drunk might be the best thing for him, if it meant passing the fuck out so he wouldn’t have to take any more shit from Dean.

From then on Sam would barely get near the awful things they encountered and if he did he made sure to avoid physical touch at all times. He couldn’t afford another questionnaire from Dean and he knew if it happened again Dean wouldn’t let it go ever. And it was working, Sam was hiding this new weird “adrenaline” thing of his (to which Dean pointed out multiple times where Sam had hardcore adrenaline and he wasn’t getting hard as a doornail). Until of course the twenty-third hunt, yeah he had been counting. It was a vampire, a very hands-on vampire. Sam and Dean had figured out it was a solo killer and they went rushing after the culprit. A petite brunette who was quite the escape artist it seemed. Finally, they had caught up with her, Dean stayed back with his machete ready to cut off the dumb vamp's neck while Sam was prepared with dead man’s blood to stun her. Usually, they wouldn’t go this far with one vampire but she was tricky and kept escaping them every time they made progress. They had snuck in the door of the warehouse she was in and tried to creep up silently behind her which wasn’t there best plan but they wanted to be out of Delaware and on another case as soon as possible so they were a little sloppy. Just as Sam was lowering the needle towards her neck from behind she swung around and pushed him against the barns wooden doors. Red paint chips fell on his shoulders as she hissed at him, a smear of dry blood on her chin most likely from her last victim.

“Perfect” she grinned, eyes glinting in the darkness of the barn, “And here I thought I was going to have to work for my midnight snack”

He struggled out of her grasp and punched her in the side of the face, making her stumble backward. Angrily she snarled at him and grabbed him by, you guessed it, his neck. Sam made a cut off noise in his throat and cursed the day he was ever born. He could keep it under control he had too because he wasn’t dying under this bitch and he certainly wasn’t getting turned on either. Her small hands tightened around his sensitive neck and a bit off moan slipped away from him. He just hoped it sounded like he was wounded rather than being pleasured.

“Sam!” Deans rough voice collided into his thoughts and impulsively Sam stuck his hand out.

His intuitions turned out to be correct as a machete was thrown into his hand, thankfully not the part with the blade end seeing as Dean was a good throw. Noticing that her demise was only a few seconds away the vampire loosened her grip only to give one last promising squeeze harder than before. A deep groan barrelled out of his chest and this time it was unmistakably because of the pleasure. Unforgiving heat rumbled low in his chest as he felt his pupils dilate. He tried to blink away the sudden lust colouring them as he held back bucking against the air. He had never been more turned on by something. That moment where he was granted breath and then it was taken away so viciously made his head spin and thank god he hadn’t lost his instincts because before he even knew it his arm was swinging and the vamps head was landing on the ground with a thud. Then it was quiet and Sam’s rushed breathing was taking up the entire space. He let his hand drift up to his neck, ghosting over the spots where the vampire had been gripping it. She had been so rough with him...maybe the skin would bruise. Fuck, why did that make Sam even hornier? At this point, Sam had to admit he had a problem, as in a problem that was unrelated to adrenaline and its mysterious ways. He liked being choked.

Sam knew he was hard before Dean had time to even say anything. He also knew that there was no way Dean hadn’t noticed the bulge gracing his pants. Fuck. Sam went to find the exit when he saw Dean grinning maliciously blocking the only one there was.

“Come on Sammy, you got a thing for putting your ass on the line? Is that it?”

Sam rolled his eyes though a small voice in his head reminded him that getting choked was only one small step away from death.

Dean hummed, “No I don’t think that’s it, you put _my_ ass out on the line way more than your own”

Sam scowled, he didn’t put Dean in danger that was just his natural habitat.

“Dean I’m telling you it is just the-“

“Fuck off Sam, don’t play me like a fool it’s not the freaking adrenaline and you know it. If you would just tell me what it is I promise I’ll stop bugging you”

Sam didn’t believe that for a Goddamn minute. Dean forgetting about Sam’s new choking kink? Yeah right.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Dean, sometimes dudes get boners ok? It happens”

Dean eyed him, clearly not believing a word Sam was saying.

“Exhibitionism”

Sam choked on his spit, “What?”

Dean tapped his chin thoughtfully, “Some people get off when others watch them. Is it cause I’m watching you struggle, Sammy, that turn you on?”

Sammy stared at him open-mouthed. Did Dean really just imply that Sam got off to Dean being there!?

Sam took a deep breath trying to not freak out at his dumbass brother, “No Dean being in your spectacular presence doesn’t get me off”

He took a step forward hoping the interrogation was done. His brother held up a hand which smashed his dreams of being able to go back to the motel and have a steaming shower. Wash away the literal and figurative dirtiness from his body.

“Uh uh Sammy we are not leaving here until you tell your big brother the truth”

Sam squinted his eyes what was it Deans business anyway? Why did he care so much about embarrassing Sam?

“Dean I’m not going to tell you because there is nothing to tell just accept that and let’s move on-“

Sam was cut off by Dean lunging at him and pushing him to the ground. Sam landed an ‘oomph!’ flying from his mouth. His back was flat against the wooden floor and he could feel the splinters already coming.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed exasperatedly.

Dean just smirked with intention now which concerned Sam even more. He pinned Sams arms above his head and leaned down.

“What Sammy? You used to love wrestling”

Sam groaned out, tired with Deans bullshit.

“Not when I have a boner you jackass!” Sam squeaked, remembering the simple fact of his hardness.

Dean’s expression didn’t falter making it clear he had already taken that into consideration.

“Still? Wow, the adrenaline is lasting a _long_ time Sammy”

Sam swallowed harshly trying to keep his eye line straight even though he wanted to look away from his brothers calculating eyes.

Dean lowered his voice, “Come on Sam this could be over all you have to do is tell me what’s got you all hot and bothered on hunts lately”

“It’s not lately it’s been three weeks!” Sam burst out without realizing how telling that statement was.

Dean grinned wolfishly, “An innocent person wouldn’t be keeping track Sammy”

Sam wiggled his arms knowing that was the only thing he could do seeing his boner was mere inches away from Deans thigh.

“I’m not letting this go Sam which means either you tell me or I’ll be forced to do something that won’t be very pleasant for either of us”

Sam raised an eyebrow. What exactly was Dean going to do? Tickle him? Sam had been through endless torture by multiple evil creatures surely anything his brother would attempt wouldn’t even rank.

“Really? Well, I guess you’ll have to show me Dean-o seeing as you won’t let this the fuck go” Sammy taunted.

Dean gazed into Sam’s eyes almost looking happy that Sam doubted him. As if the victory would be sweeter or something when Sam did crack.

“ _I’m waiting_ ” Sam singsonged wishing he could cross his arms patronizingly.

Dean just smiled unamused at Sam’s ridiculing and pushed his body downwards which was the last thing Sam expected him to do. A startled noise came from Sams' mouth as his eyes widened rapidly. Deans stiff thigh was now settled in between Sams' legs.

“Dean what the hell!?” Sam exclaimed.

Dean just shrugged as if this new plan was an everyday occurrence, “You won’t tell me so I have to get creative”

Dean shifted rubbing his leg on Sams dick making Sam bite back a moan at the feeling of friction after so long.

“We are brothers Dean” Sam scolded, “this is fucked up, even for us”

Dean smirked happily as if getting to Sam in this way was an absolute treat.

“And it will _stop_ being fucked up when you tell me your secret. So Sam just do it otherwise it might lead me to believe your into _this_ ”

Sam appeared scandalized by that statement as he struggled against his brother again.

“Dude I’ve been beating you at wrestling since you were ten, don’t even try” Dean boasted.

Sam gritted his teeth, feeling dominated in all senses of the word. He also felt angry but that seemed to be dampened by the humiliation filling him up to his throat. What was worse getting off at the hands of his manipulative brother or telling him this embarrassing kink of his?

“Dude I _will_ go there” Dean promised with a raunchy grin.

Sam raised an eyebrow, a blatant challenge. Dean didn’t have the balls, not to be with a dude and definitely not to be with his brother. At least that’s what he assumed. But all of a sudden Dean full on grinded on Sam making a whimper press out of him. Sams' cheeks blew up red like balloons and his eyes darted frantically between Dean’s eyes.

“I’m not playing Sammy,” Dean said lowly.

“Fuck Dean just get off!” Sam said with a serious yet fearful expression.

Every time Dean moved Sam lost more and more control and he was finding himself rutting upwards now in search for that inconstant pleasure. This was so messed up and Dean was just doing this to taunt him which made it so much worse. Deans warm breath hit his face as he whispered into his ear.

“Is big brother going to make you come? You naughty _naughty_ boy” His tone was attempting to be sultry but Sam could hear the undertones of light teasing.

Sam shrieked out in surprise and in rage. Now Dean was dirty talking!? Dean began rubbing the soft skin under his thumbs, looking at Sam under hooded lids as his leg increased in speed. Is this what Dean did with all of his partners? Make them so desperate they couldn’t wait to fuck him? Ok, fuck, not the thing to be thinking about right now or ever. Sam moaned accidentally and instantly clenched his mouth shut to make sure it never happened again. The problem was Dean wasn’t that far off with his comment, he was starting to feel pressure building which only meant one thing.

“Tell me, Sammy, tell me or live with the fact your big brother is going to get you off in a dusty warehouse like your just a dirty _little_ slut”

Too much. Too fucking much. If Dean kept talking like that it’d be all over. The whole grinding thing is one concept, friction and pressure will feel good to anyone but the fact Deans low grisly voice was now turning him on was something he couldn’t back up with “adrenaline”. He was so fucking close and he didn’t want to let that on because fuck this asshole if he thinks a little grinding is enough to get him off. Except...evidently.

“You're close right? What if I just reached my hand down your pants right now? Jerked you off quick and rough I think a _slut_ like you would enjoy that” Dean’s words became fuzzy in his head.

Sam was almost curious to see if Dean would. Would he really touch his brother like that? How far _was_ Dean willing to go with this? Sam had this unhealthy want to find out. Then Dean really did start moving using one hand to keep him planted on the ground as he traced his fingertip down his shirt than to his stomach and Sam didn’t want to find out any more. Fuck this was fucked up. Because he would come if Dean so much palmed him it’d be game over and he couldn’t handle that.

“Choking!” Sam screeched his voice coming out hoarse.

Dean stilled his finger laying teasingly on Sam’s waistband and his eyes glittered delightedly.

“What was that little bro?”

Sams entire face lit up even brighter like he was a damn Christmas tree. Heat radiating off of it as he knew Dean had already heard him and was just doing this to make Sam want to be the one who got his head cut off.

“Choking” Sam stated shakily.

He was on edge now. Left completely turned on and embarrassed. And it hurt him to think about how fast everything would have been. Would Dean really have done it? Touched his younger brother, made him come with just his words and his hand? Maybe Dean would even try out his new kink make Sam feel it for weeks—Fuck what was wrong with him? 

Dean grinned and released Sam from his clutches. Sam didn’t stand for a minute trying to collect himself and figure out what the fuck just happened. Why when Dean got up did Sam want to pull him back down and finish the job? He should’ve hated every minute of that and yet Deans words echoed in his head and all he felt was lust. Sam took a deep breath in he was just really high strung that’s it he had been hard for a while it had nothing to do with the person. Besides at the moment he had to deal with dickhead laughing over there.

“Choking! Why didn’t I think of that? Both times you had been getting strangled and that completely slipped past me!” Dean cackled holding his stomach.

Sam sneered maybe he should’ve just taken the orgasm. God knows it wouldn’t be the thing sending him to hell.

“You’re a dick” Sam huffed holding his hands to cover himself against his brother's gaze.

“Sorry Sammy but you’re a tough nut to crack had to figure out how to get under that moisturized girl skin of yours”

“Yeah by molesting me!” Sam cried out.

Dean rolled his eyes, paused and then chuckled to himself, “My nerdy little brother...a kinky motherfucker”

“I do not have a kink!” Sam exclaimed, it sounded forced even to him.

Dean raised an eyebrow, “what do you call something that doesn’t typically get people off that gets you off?”

Sam nibbles on his lip, “An intense fascination?”

Dean stared at him deadpan.

“Ok well then you have an ‘intense fascination’ with choking”

Ok, that sounds so much fucking worse than ‘kink’ somehow.

Dean patted his shoulder and motioned to the warehouse doors, “Come on drama queen let’s get back to the motel”

Sam couldn’t help but tell Dean was a little resistant as well. Even if Dean wanted to act like that had been no big deal Sam knew that there was something more, had to be. There was a lack of teasing that Sam knew should have been there but it just wasn’t.

And now all Sam had to do was forget. Forget the feeling of Dean’s weight on top of him while getting him off. And he absolutely could not think of Dean calling him a slut while choking him because that didn’t even happen and Sam didn’t really want that. Not even a little bit.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, he did want it. And he couldn’t forget. Which is why he was currently in the shower, one hand on his dick and the other in his mouth to muffle his noises. Sam couldn’t remember a time he had _wanted_ so badly it was almost stupid. Sure sometimes he was impulsive and he is pretty sure the whole situation with Ruby was enough said for that case but right now it was like no matter what, Deans hands called out to him. They were so big and calloused and he just knew they’d feel amazing around his throat. Fuck, no he needs to stop thinking like that!

He stroked himself to completion, a loud groan of Dean’s name hitting his fist as he bit down on his skin. Dean could never find out even though really it was all his fault. It’s not like Sam brought these feelings on himself, it was Deans actions that made him start thinking of Dean like that. So fuck Dean, fuck his hands and muscular chest and- _FUCK_.

Sam turned off the steaming water and grabbed his towel drying off his hair first which was dripping all over his face. It had been two weeks since the warehouse incident which is what Sam has to refer to it as in his head otherwise he calls it the time he almost came because of Dean fucking Winchester which made him feel _too_ light headed. Dean had mentioned his kink a few times but weirdly enough not as much as Sam expected. It was almost like Dean was as hesitant as Sam was to reference that night. Which was strange because Dean initiated it, he climbed on Sam, he crossed the fucking line so why was he suddenly being so reluctant? How was that fair?

And now they are at a bar waiting around for some telling suspect to give themselves away and Dean’s thick fingers are around his glass full of bourbon. Sam stares at them for a moment licking his lips subconsciously. He remembered how they felt wrapped around his wrists squeezing the skin firm. Sam swallowed tightly, knowing this train of thought would get him nowhere. Dean was his brother, _his_ _brother_. Where had all of these screwed up thoughts come from? He certainly had only the random misplaced wet dream about his brother before but that was it and when he woke up he was disgusted. Maybe it’s because now he knew the weight of Dean on top of him, how his muscular thigh felt against him, his piercing gaze and low voice making him shake. It’s because now he _knows_. That’s got to be it. If Dean had never done such a silly thing like mount his fucking brother he wouldn’t facing this problem.

A hand suddenly appeared in front of his face, waving feverishly.

“Hello! Earth to Sam?” Dean called out.

Sam ashamedly looked up from Deans forearms and tried to act like he had been deep in thoughts about anything other than getting choked by his brother.

“Sorry just zoned out”

Dean eyed him as if he suspected there’d be more to the story but eventually he just sighed and shook his head. He swept his gaze around the room again and abruptly stilled.

“Sam, biker guy, your right”

Dean inconspicuously grabbed his drink again swishing it around in the cup and observing the liquid almost spill over the sides like it was the most interesting thing to ever exist. Sam made himself appear to just be surveying the bar when his eyes fell on the man Dean had notified him about. Short and definitely using leather and studs to overcompensate for that fact, a typical thug beard and an interesting amulet swinging from his veiny neck.

“Think it’s our guy?” Sam said in a low voice out of the side of his mouth not taking his eyes off the dartboard in the corner.

“Well either that or he absolutely fucking amazing at pool,” Dean stated, “Hasn’t missed a single shot”

The comment made Sams' eyes flicker back to the man's neck as he was lining up another shot. Biker guy took a deep breath in and for just a split second the amulet glimmered red quick enough that you could almost blame it on the glint from the dimmed bar lights. The guy made the shot and ended up sinking the last ball smirking at his opponent who was staring in awe at the five balls he still had left. After collecting fifty dollars from the other guy, he waved goodbye and started to walk away.

“Hey, punk rocker on the move” Dean exclaimed getting out of his seat.

He knocked the tiny bit of alcohol he had back which shouldn’t have been as attractive to Sam as it was and started to head towards the door. Like usual, Sam followed.  
  


* * *

 

Sams' eyes were glass sharp, glaring at his brother as he shut the door behind him. Both of them were ruffled, their hair dirty with grime and blood that was collecting at the hairline from a particularly hard fall. Not to mention that they were also soaked by the heavy rain that began pouring outside the moment they left the Impala almost as a symbol for the heavy tension that surrounded them.

“Dean you fucking idiot!” Sam growled.

He had been holding in his anger the entire car ride, biting his tongue from completely losing it at his brother. But he couldn’t stop himself any longer. Why did his brother have to constantly put himself in danger? Why couldn’t he get rid of his hero complex for one goddamn day!?

Dean didn't respond for a second, taking a beer out of the fridge and cracking it open skillfully. He took a long swig with a pensive yet frustrated expression on his face. Finally, he placed the beer down gently and stoically turned his head to look at his brother.

Dean grinned but there was no humour or joy behind it, “Oh so I’m an idiot? Not, oh I don’t know...the guy who saved your ass back there!?”

Sam exhaled shakily through his nose. Saving his ass? Saving HIS ass!? Dean purposefully jumped in front of that dumbass witch as a spell was being cast towards Sam!

“That spell could have killed you, Dean! Actually killed you dead and it was going to!” Sam yelled.

Dean rolled his eyes, “Stop being a little bitch Sam I was fine”

Sams' nostrils flared and he stalked towards Dean who had his arms crossed.

“Fine? The only reason you’re not dead on the floor right now is because we have a very powerful angel watching out for your sorry ass! I can't believe with all that’s happened you're still-“ Sam stopped, biting his tongue again.

There’s no reason to get into this fight again. How Dean doesn’t trust Sam, how Sam knows Dean would rather have anyone else working with him. Yet Dean prodded, like always.

“No Sam what is it? What genius opinion do you have of the situation?”

Sam let his temper grab hold of him and make him walk even closer to the edge of the volcano.

“Fine, you want to know? Why the fuck do you still keep risking your life as if I haven’t had to watch you die hundreds of times!” Sam exclaimed, blood boiling.

Dean actually laughed. Sending a rush of absolute destructive rage through Sam.

“As if you can talk! You constantly are throwing yourself to the wolves Sam hell maybe you should just walk out on me or are you finally tired of doing that? God, maybe you should have stayed at Stanford Sam seems like this life will never be good enough for you!”

Silence filled the room like chlorine pool water. It made Sams nose twitch and throat feel rough and scratchy.

“ _You_ came to get _me_ from Stanford in case you forgot dickhead! And maybe what you actually want was for me to be the one to burn on the ceiling instead of mom!”

In the next moment, Sam was being pushed up against the wall by his brother. A flashback gliding through his mind of the bridge Dean had pinned Sam to last time he spoke about their mom. Deans hands tightened against Sams' neck as if he was trying to cram the words back down Sams' throat.

“Don’t you say that” Dean snarled, “don’t you ever say that, I would do anything for you I always have, always put you first Sammy so don’t you stand here and tell me I would rather have you dead than in the passenger seat of the Impala”

Sam was trying desperately to focus on Dean’s heartfelt words and not the grip still persistent on his throat. But this is what’s been plaguing Sams dreams for weeks and now it’s real. Dean’s hands felt exactly like Sam had imagined them too. Calloused from years of fixing cars but with a gentle nature that made Sams breath catch. Arguing Sam, you're supposed to be mad at Dean. Bad Dean for coming to get him at Stanford and for letting himself get hurt over and over. But Sam was tired of fighting, tired of being angry and sad. Mostly tired of hurting Dean, whether it was physically or emotionally. Sam stared into the wave pool of Dean’s eyes and shifted his gaze as he realized he was fucking hard. From his brother's hands. Around his neck.

“Dean” Sam gulped letting his arms brace the wall behind him, “choking thing”

Dean’s face was stuck on hurt until he heard that statement. He probably was not expecting that to be what Sam came back with. His face was confused for approximately thirteen seconds and then he slowly released his brother's throat. Sam took in a huge inhale of air, feeling the throbbing in his pants.

“Oh I-I forgot” Dean commented, eyes centered on Sams hard-on.

Sams adam apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily not exactly sure how to respond to that. Dean looked down at his hands almost like he was examining them and then looked back at Sams flustered form.

“Just from that?” Dean asked with a hint of something other than curiosity in his voice.

It was almost like Dean had been the one choked. He was breathless and couldn’t stop fidgeting. Sam coughed, angry tension now being replaced by awkward tension.

Dean let out a low chuckle, “maybe I should start using this as a punishment”

Sam let out an injured noise at the comment. Dean smirked, a little more predatory than his usual smiles and he drifted his eyes up Sams body.

“Then again doesn’t seem like much of a punishment does it?”

Sam could see the wheels turning inside Deans head and fuck he wanted to respond. Have some intelligent come back like usual but the mood had shifted and Sam could feel one of those ‘oh fuck’ unchangeable moments coming along. Dean still hadn’t taken a step back from him and Sam thought he could feel the rapid beating of Dean’s heart against his chest.

“Dean”

“Sam” Dean answered quickly his gaze flickering between Sams' eyes.

Neither of them stepped back, the air was becoming thicker with unspoken words.

“Wha-" Sam cleared his throat, “What are you doing?”

Dean surveyed him for a moment, three different emotions racing in his eyes as he stared hesitantly back at Sam. Abruptly Dean cupped Sams chin sending a wave of fear and desire wash over him.

“Making a huge fucking mistake”

Next thing Sam knew, Dean’s lips were pressed against his and if he thought choking was the only way to leave him breathless he was sadly mistaken. Anxiety along with arousal ran through him making its way from the back of his throat to the pit of his stomach. Dean was pouring himself into the kiss, every ounce of regret, anger, confusion mixed together. Sam couldn’t move, he was in a figurative headlock right now and all he could do was taste and smell. Dean tasted like the roadhouse, the salt of sweat mixing with the bitterness of the beer he had taken out of the fridge moments before. He smelled like oak, remnants of the forest they trudged through to find that stupid witch and-and he had used the aftershave Sam bought him for Christmas this morning. Sam planted his hands on Deans shoulders finally ready to let himself get sucked into the black hole that is Dean Winchester but it was never that easy.

“Sam” Dean gasped out as he pulled back, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“

“Dean” Sam pleaded “Shut up please”

Surprisingly Dean did just that and so Sam rested his head against the back wall trying to pinpoint when they went from fighting to kissing. Dean nibbled his lip a usual Sam gesture that he had apparently inhabited. Their breathing became the only sound in the room as neither of them made any attempt to move.

“I’m not mad,” Sam said finally.

Dean raised an eyebrow and huffed out a laugh, “You wouldn’t be”

Sam's eyebrows drew in, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dean slowly grabbed Sams shoulder as if he was afraid of touching him.

“Sam your brother just kissed you. You should be goddamn furious right now and disgusted but you and I are so stupidly codependent that I’m not even sure you would know if you _were_ mad”

Sam was truly confused now, “I’m still not getting it Dean”

Dean sighed and lifted a palm to his temples rubbing them softly as if a headache was coming on.

“I think we have started to explain away our emotions because we can’t bear the thought of losing each other”

Sam took a sharp intake of breath. Fuck, ok well that was in the simplest terms it could be. Sam felt a ping of hurt that Dean would even assume he wouldn’t know his own emotions but the more he swirled around the idea in his head, the more it made sense. The longest time they spent away from each other was usually due to one of them dying. How fucked up is that? Even just now they were having a fight about sacrificing themselves for each other like they had a stamp card for how many deaths they each had. And there is no free reward at the end for either of them.

“I think...” Sam breathes out, “You’re right”

Dean clearly wasn’t expecting the sudden agreement by his brother because his eyes widened visibly. Sam laughed at that, his dimples popping out like he knew they would.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything at all” Sam explained, “Just because I don’t feel angry doesn’t mean I don’t know what 'angry' feels like”

Sam pulled him closer by his dirt and rain covered shirt, not wanting to lose the heat between them and not wanting to deny it now that Sam suspected Dean wanted the same thing as him.

“I don’t feel angry Dean because I’ve wanted this for two fucking weeks” Sam confessed.

Dean blinked like that was the last thing he had expected. Sam had no idea why Dean was so shocked, it’s not like Sam pulled back from him when they had been kissing it was the other way around.

“Ever since you pushed me down on the ground like a psychopath, I can’t get your voice or hands out of my head” Sam ran a shaky hand through his wet hair slicking it back, “It’s been driving me fucking insane”

Dean smirked at that, grabbing ahold of Sams' hips, “Really, I made that much of an impression on you?”

Sam stared at him deadpan, “It’s not every day your brother nearly makes you cream your pants after almost getting strangled to death by a vamp”

Dean’s cheeks dusted pink which made Sam gawk. Dean barely ever got embarrassed when talking about something sex-related, I guess when it comes to his brother the rules of how Dean works get thrown out the window.

“Did you...” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “Want me to continue what I started?”

Sam knew that was the bluntest way Dean was going to ask if Sam had wanted him to make him come. And only one thing came to Sams' head.

“ _Please_ ”

All he wanted was Dean to put his hands back on him, he was still throbbing in his mucky jeans. And now whereas Dean was tentative at first, this time he wasted no breath asking if that was really what Sam wanted, didn’t need too. When Sam said please it solidified everything Dean had been feeling between them and he was ready to go. Quickly Dean popped open the button of Sams pants and stuck his hand in, too eager to just take them off. Once Deans warm hand gripped him in his boxers Sam moaned throatily setting off Dean.

“Fuck I wanted too,” Dean said “And for a moment I thought you were going to let me, just let me wrap my hand around you until you were shaking”

Sam groaned bucking up into Deans' hand, obviously liking the dirty words filtering in. He had missed this even though he had only had it once. Still, everything felt familiar and perhaps it’s because he didn’t know what it didn’t feel like to be surrounded by Dean.

“Then yesterday I heard you, jacking off into the shower trying so hard to muffle your whimpers and fuck I almost broke down the door just so I could hear clearer”

Sams head flung against the wall with a loud bang, he whimpered but the pain only added to his pleasure. Fuck Dean was hot, fuck _this_ was hot. Dean slowed his hand down, mouthing his lips against Sams' neck kissing lazily.

“Right I forgot you like pain” Dean scraped his teeth down Sams jugular, “Slut”

Sam whimpered loudly, that one-word sending shock waves throughout him. Who knew he would have more than one kink?

“Dean...more...” Sam urged, the deliberate hand motions making his head spin.

Dean ignored him tracing the tips of his fingers up Sams length. He smirked as Sam twitched finding how needy he became during sex amusing.

“This isn’t what you really want though” Dean observed, “but I want to make you beg for that”

Sam gritted his teeth as Dean dug his nails into Sams' thigh, scratching along the sensitive skin. Every part of Sam got sensitive when he was horny it seemed.

“Say it, Sam, beg for it”

Sam didn’t want to beg he wasn’t a fucking dog for God’s sake but his willpower was faltering with every strategic stroke of Dean’s hand. The teasing of whisper-light touches was getting him nowhere except very frustrated.

“Dean” Sam grunted as close to pleading as possible.

Dean waggled his pointer finger on his other hand indicating that wasn’t what he was looking for. Sam bit his lip hard waiting for the explosion of iron in his mouth. He was not going to beg Dean to choke him that was too far who knows if they could ever come back from-

“Please” Sam whispered desperately.

Ok, maybe... he didn’t want to have anything left to come back too.

“Come on college boy use those five-dollar words” Dean insisted, gripping him tightly all of a sudden.

“Fuck!” Sam blurted “Please Dean, I want you to choke me! Feels so fucking good!”

Dean smiled contently, “That’s all you needed to say”

Suddenly Dean’s other hand came slithering up his chest, enclosing around the sensitive skin of Sams' throat. His hand was so big it almost fit around the entirety of Sams' neck.

“Sam” Dean’s tone abruptly changed to something more hesitant, “How hard?”

Sam felt the shift and understood Deans worries. Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Sam, this was Dean his self sacrificing ass of a brother.

“I don’t want to be able to speak” Sam whispered back.

Dean shuddered at that need piercing through him. He dug his fingers in hard till his knuckles turned white and Sam stifled his moans. The raw pleasure coursing through his body should not be attainable from being in a near death experience but low and behold. Just the simple acknowledgment that his life was completely in Deans hands was the hottest thing, it sent his blood rushing with the sheer thought. Dean didn’t seem to mind it either, Sam wasn’t sure Dean would be into this when it came down to it but based on the dazed lust filled expression on his brothers face he was enjoying this. Sams' throat pushed out against Deans' hand as he swallowed being met with hesitation.

Dean pulled his hand out of Sams pants and Sam could only assume by the fluttering of Dean’s eyes and his sharp intake of breath it was now shoved down his own pants. Dean released his hand slightly in a moment of pleasure and when realizing this fact tightened his grip again. Sam bit down hard on his tongue bucking his hips into the air as his cock twitched. Dean noticed, paused his own hand movements and then smirked.

“You like that little brother?”

The name almost felt like a catcall, dirty and rushed like it was just waiting for a reaction. Except for catcalls usually made you feel disgusted and belittled whereas this name just made Sam feel fuzzy like his insides were a bottle of shaken champagne.

“Dean” Sam wheezed out unable to help himself.

He felt on edge again just like he had on the floor of that warehouse. The rush of impending guilt along with the severe crushing weight of desire pressing down on him. His throat stung when Dean pressed his hand in to cut off any further words from Sam.

“You’re not supposed to be able to talk” Dean gritted.

Sams' eyes rolled back into his head, he was drowning in pleasure. The dominance Dean was showcasing didn’t make him feel annoyed as it used too when Dean would order Sam to stay home while Dad and he went hunting. It was different, this time he had no considerations about leaving, this time...he had a reason to stay. And that might be the most messed up thing of all.

Dean’s grunts brought Sam back to the fluttery buzzing in his stomach as he bucked up harsher. He was so damn close and this time Dean would finish what he fucking started. Dean eyed Sam hungrily in an almost similar way to how the vampire looked at him.

“You could come from this couldn’t you?” Dean questioned though by the tone he was using Sam could only assume Dean already knew the answer “just from your brother's hand around your throat and a couple of dirty words”

Sam nodded viciously, even those statements made his cock throb and his heart pound in the best way possible.

“Fuck Sammy, what a _slut_ ” Dean commented, pupils, looking like sticks floating in a midnight black lake.

His hand released Sams neck making him gasp out in surprise. The feeling of air gracing his lungs and filling them up felt foreign like he hadn’t breathed normally in years. The relief was short lasting as Dean unsurprisingly rammed Sam harder against the wall knowing he would like the pain and pressed right against his pulse point. It was hard enough to make Sam groan in pleasure but light enough that it wasn’t choking Sam out. A perfect balance.

“Come, whore” Dean practically purred, “Come for your big brother”

That was enough. Enough to fuck him up and ruin every memory where Dean wrapped Sam around his finger with those few words. The ‘for your big brother’, part not the ‘Come, whore’ just to be clear. Sam let out a choked exhale of air and then it was all over with his body practically vibrating against the wall and come filling up his boxers which were never taken off.

“Fuck Sam,” Dean said breathlessly, finally releasing Sam from his clutches and returning to his previous actions. Sam let out a huge gasp still staying planted to the wall even after he was freed. He let his eyes roam over Dean, the high of his orgasm still not leaving his body as he buzzed with energy. Dean's eyes had yet to leave Sam being especially focused on Sams neck which still had the faint feeling of Dean’s hand around it. He was licking his lips as if he was actually going to bite it like that vamp had hoped to do.

“I think you like me, helpless Dean,” Sam said roughly almost not realizing the words came out.

The reaction it had was better than expected though as Dean whined low in throat his head falling backward and hanging there. Sam smirked, so this wasn’t one-sided then. Dean seemed to have a few kinks of his own.

“Always making fun of BDSM and all that shit but that’s because it makes you hot doesn’t it?” Sam queried, “you get off on the power”

Dean shook his head even as he gripped his dick tighter obviously riding a rush of pleasure. Sam clicked his tongue, happy he wasn’t the only one having their sexual secrets spilled. He finally let his body move away from the wall so he could push himself against Deans sweat-soaked chest. Sam brought his face closer to Deans ear and lowered his voice.

“You obviously like choking me Dean but what about....spanking?”

Dean shuddered a loose groan slipping away from him. Sam hummed contentedly, Dean was so fucking transparent.

“Oh yeah, you’d like wouldn’t you? Your unrelenting hand making me squirm and moan I could probably come just from that”

Dean was shaking with pleasure, tiny whimpers falling from his mouth whenever he remembered to breathe. He was close, Sam could tell and he knew just what would put him over the edge.

“But I know what you would really like” Sam muttered darkly running his hands up Deans sides, “How does big brother feel about tying me up?”

Dean gasped out with shock and desire colouring it. Sam didn’t even have to look to know his words had made Dean come seems like both of them had a thing for dirty talk. Then again who doesn’t? Dean groaned lowly as he bucked into his hand a few more times while a droplet of water fell from his hair and ran down his face. Sam pulled away but left his hands on Dean not wanting to move them yet.

“Please...don’t tell me that was a mistake” Sam rushed out in a whisper.

Sam knew if Dean truly believed it was he would be gone by now but still Sam needed to know Dean wasn’t just staying for him. Cause even if he thought there were overly codependent he couldn’t lie to Sam he just couldn’t. Not even if it would rip him apart.

“Let a man pull his pants up first Sam jeez” Dean teased “Didn’t anyone teach you some manners?”

Sam knew then, everything was fine. Dean was an asshole, but everything was fine.

Sam snickered, “Nope all I had was my dumb big brother and he has fewer manners than I do”

Dean shoved him lightly and tugged up his underwear rubbing his come-coated hand on it first. Sam winced, disgusted by the visual of that. Dean chuckled knowing exactly why Sam had that look on his face.

“Hit the showers kid,” Dean said motioning towards the sketchy motel bathroom.

Sam rolled his eyes but did what Dean said anyway, a shower did sound nice right now as his body was all sore from the hunt and from being pushed up against a wall. As Sam reached the door, he glanced over his shoulder at his brother who was clearly checking out Sams ass. Sam smirked and cleared his throat, Dean’s eyes bounced up to his.

“You coming coach?”

The noise that left Deans mouth after that was hysterical but also hot as hell. How Dean did that Sam would never know. Instead of responding Dean just nodded which made Sam proud, he had actually silenced his loud-mouthed brother for once. Sam stepped into the bathroom and out of his peripherals he saw something bluish purple in the mirror. He turned intrigued at what it was when a low gasp came from his mouth. Light coloured marks were stretched around his throat giving clear indication something had been grabbing there. In awe Sam dazedly moved his fingers up to touch the marks, feeling zaps of pleasure every time he pressed down.

“Dean!” Sam called out hoarsely.

Still not appearing Dean answered, “Yeah?”

Sam cleared his throat stroking down his sensitive neck suddenly very excited to be getting in the shower with his brother.

“We’re gonna need to grab some concealer from the store!”


End file.
